And I'm feeling good

Well what a week.

Monday I went for my first Couch 2 5k run. I'll come clean - it wasn't pretty. For the rest of the evening I was grumpy and sore, I was walking like an old woman and my hips gave me some amount of bother all night. Tonight I went out with my wee pal Fiona for my second run. I have to say it was ok. I mean, obviously, it was hell but it was great to have a buddy to drag me around/drag around me with and I think it's  fair to say we kept each other going.

Diet wise eating on plan is going really well. Class on Tuesday night brought me a 3.5lb weight loss which is 10lb of my gain in 2 weeks. Sounds a lot but I know it will level out very soon and that will very probably be this week assuming I am not too naughty food wise given I am doing a good bit of socialising  (again). The best  thing about  weigh in though was getting my first shiny at Clare's class - I came home with a certificate as well for Slimmer of the Week! Sadly for me I've  gained so much weight since I joined that class that I still have a good way to go to get my half stone  award but this is a nice start to my new collection.

All things considered another good week and a great boost. Onwards and... downwards?

Run Fatgirl Run

So my first week back on it went well. I lost 6.5lb despite having friends up to visit, eating out lots and drinking too much wine. I would call that a success! Buoyed from that weigh in, I refused a takeaway in favour of a home cooked curry. So far this week is shaping up well - a few many drinkies and a meal out but nothing too dreadful and in actual fact I opted for a Light Option at Prezzo (a smaller portion of King Prawn Spaghetti with a side salad and a low fat vinaigrette). 

This week I've to back into meal planning and genuinely refusing naughty things without feeling left out. At a friends's house for lunch I refused crisps and crispie cakes in favour of raiding the boxes of berries! I've also gone through my freezer to see what exactly is in there and cooked up a few delights to feed us on busy days. So far I have chilli, Thai Red fish curry and a sweet potato korma waiting for me (including a portion of that korma for tonight). 

The big thing this week is that exercise wise I've come to a decision and tonight I am starting Couch to 5k. This will probably kill me, however I cancelled my gym membership due to lack of use and I plan to run, walk more with the buggy and actually use my (as yet unwrapped!) kettlebells. I will be on the lookout for a Garmin Forerunner15 watch next month so I can track and trace my runs etc as well as gather points for my life insurance. Oh the joys. 

So out I go tonight. It won't be pretty, but it will be worth it.

Chubbykins McWobblebottom

Well. Ha. Hello.

This is awkward. 

I've been putting off writing this post for various reasons, all pointing back to embarrassment. See, I've fallen off the wagon in spectacular style and regained a lot of weight. In my defence I've had a lot going on this year with my new career as a childminder and my switch of routine from office packed lunch to home kitchen grab anything you can lunch. Gone are the leafy salads (because you can't prepare that AND feed 3 under 3s!). So what happens? All the wrong things, that's what happens. That combined with a lot of socialising and drinking has made me feel fatter than ever (although I know I'm not), uncomfortable, sluggish and lacking the confidence I worked so hard to build. 

So, with a heavy heart (and even heavier arse) I went and weighed in at Slimming World for the first time in a number of weeks. It wasn't pretty, but I knew that was going to happen. It wasn't a surprise. I had already filled my fridge with the good stuff (cottage cheese, pickles etc) and planned a few meals knowing I had visitors arriving on Saturday and a lot of socialising coming up.

With weigh in heading my way tomorrow I think I've done good. I've made some very good choices, rejected a few high syn things and generally have my head in a very good place. I've realised that I had it all wrong before, and that actually where I got to was probably fine for me. A size 14/16 is where I got to, and that's the aim now so I asked my new consultant to set that for me. If I get there and lose more, then fine. 

So that's a 67lb loss from last week's weigh in, and I have a few markers. My nephew Marcus is being baptised in August, a trip to London in October, Christmas (no night out for me this year though!) and we have booked a summer holiday for next July. 

So... 

67lb?

48 weeks?

Bring it on. 

Missing a Toad

Well week one went well all things considered with a loss of 9lb. Yay! 55lb to go. Still a long way but wowee what a start. I am thrilled beyond belief and totally buzzed for the coming weeks. You all know I love a challenge so the plan is to keep my goals quite small. The first one is a stone off (preferably two!) by my birthday in April. That said I've had two nights out since I weighed on Friday so maybe a stay the same would be quite the victory this week.  ;-)

Of course the main thing with this diet is that I am only technically dieting 2 or maybe 3 days a week. Those days are pretty hard going but actually each one I do gets easier and I have picked up some tips for coping on 500 calories. First, drink buckets of water to keep you full. Second, avoid sugar or sweeteners where possible because it makes you hungrier. Third, plan carefully. I usually wait until lunchtime and then graze on some pickles or maybe a bowl of soup. I certainly don't consume more than 100 cals before my dinner and then I am left with 400 glorious calories to spend on dinner.

Tonight we had "Onion in the hole" - yep, you guessed it, Toad in the Hole with no toad. We have Save with Jamie to thank for this recipe, which I must say surprised me. For 273 calories I got roasted sweet red onions,  crispy fluffy Yorkshire pud and sweet sticky red onion gravy! For an extra 60 ish I added fine green beans, boiled for 6 minutes until just tender and then tossed in a drizzle of garlic oil, salt and pepper. I must admit that Richy would have liked some creamy mash but I didn't and I didn't miss the usual sausages either. Dare I say I preferred this? All I know is that I am full and warm on this cold winter day and for less than 350 cals. I'm looking forward to a good feed tomorrow though.

Hopefully I can make it to the weekend relatively unscathed. Fast day anyone?

Times they are a changin'

The funny thing about a weight loss blog is that there has to be some weight loss to write about. If there's no weight loss you have no blog, and there's only so many times you can say "oh well, still struggling". Nobody wants to read that. However, I am back now with something to say.

The start of 2014 saw something major happen. I broke up with Slimming World.

It's been on the cards for a while but I've been so frightened of piling it all back on that I've been too scared to leave and too scared to try something else. This somewhat backfired in a sense because I have put some (thankfully not masses) back on, but once December and Christmas was over I knew it would be time to do something else to ring the changes. Don't get me wrong, Slimming World is a great plan and I would recommend it to anyone, but latterly the problem has been that I know it too well, and honestly I got lazy.

A chance conversation with a medical friend before Christmas on the subject of My Weight Loss ended up with a suggestion of trying the 5:2 diet. Basically you eat normally for 5 days of the week and "fast" for the other 2. Fast doesn't mean eat nothing, but it's a very low calorie day at around 500 cals. I had a quick go before Christmas and decided to give it a go but initially wanted to run with Slimming World at the same time - I would have loved to be a Target member! I thought I could fast on 2 days and follow plan on the other 5. Very quickly it became apparent that this wasn't going to work as there were non fast days (or feast days) where my syns would have been through the roof but I was way under my calories (1720 according to My Fitness Pal). By the time Christmas was over my jeans were tight, nothing was comfortable and frankly I was totally repulsed by myself - how I felt physically and mentally, and how I looked.

My first weigh in is tomorrow and I've almost completed my third fast (it's been a funny week). The 500 calorie thing isn't massively difficult but you do need to be clever to get the most out of your calories. I admit sitting here a bit peckish, but knowing that I have enough calories left for a wee nibble before bed and tomorrow I can eat as normal means I feel ok. This actually feels liberating. I had cake, wine and pastry yesterday and was still under my calories. I have Slimming World to thank for that - my 3 meals were healthy and naturally fairly low calorie.

I'm so ready for this - motivated, inspired, enthusiastic. So, I've got 63lb to go - hopefully 2014 is my year.

I'm a Changingman

Away back when I started Slimming World my consultant said to the group "Nothing changes if nothing changes". It sounds corny but it is true. You have to make change happen, and nobody else can do it for you.

This year as you know I haven't lost much weight but I've spent the year changing in other ways. My confidence has bloomed over the year and last week something momentous happened: I resigned from my job of over 11 years because I am now a registered Childminder. It wasn't a quick decision to leave and I was sad to go. I know I'll miss my friends but I'm going to do something fun and exciting and new and I can't wait to get started. It hadn't actually occured to me that new confidence might have helped me along the way but Richy asked me if "Old Gem would have done this?". I can't honestly say either way but I'm inclined to say she wouldn't. I've had to tske a leap of faith but I'm confident this is going to be ok.

What isn't going to be ok is weigh in this week. It's been a funny 6 weeks. My gym closed (sob!) and it took me until last week to join a new one. We have had a death in the family, Heather started school (and has had nits and a bug already), I've been on a training course and basically our routine has gone out the window. I have been mostly going to weigh in - gained a bit lost a bit - but I weighed on the wii fit tonight for the first time in 6 weeks. My bathroom scales have been devoid of battery so I haven't been weighing there either and tonight's reading wasn't pretty. I know they say you shouldn't weigh more than once a week but I have always always maintained that for me weighing regularly keeps me on track. I spoke about this once before and what the past few weeks has taught me is that I am right - weighing regularly DOES keep me focused.

Anyway I've been to the gym 3 times this week and I'll be going again tomorrow and Wednesday before I weigh in at a different class. This falls under the category of Damage Control.

If I can just stop nibbling whilst I am a jobless bum that would be great because remember.....Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Ps if you or anyone you know is looking for childcare in the Hamilton area, please point them my way - :-D

www.gemmablackchildminding.co.uk

In which your blogger bares her soul

For the first time in 18 months I am genuinely disillusioned. The last 6 months have been hard going, barely losing anything but still sticking to the plan. As the months have gone by I have found it harder and harder to stay motivated. Finally I have cracked.

We had our summer holiday last week, spending time in the glorious sunshine with friends and family. There was much indulgence - wine, cider, pancakes, ice cream and far too much bread. I am paying the price - for the first time really I have gained a few pounds and I can really feel it. I'm not sure how many pounds I have put on because I had a holiday booked in for slimming world this week but it's enough that my jeans (resigned to the drawer during the heatwave we have just had) are noticably tighter.

In a former life I wouldn't have even noticed a few pounds going on but now I feel it almost straight away. Physically I feel bloated, wobbly... and uncomfortable. Mentally I feel disheartened and let down with myself. I feel tired, worn down and barely have the motivation to refuse the bad things just now which isn't helping. Even seeing an old, unflattering picture last week didn't help. (Posted below with a new one of us).

I honestly am considering moving on to something else to lose this final 2-3 stone but I don't know what. I'm scared and lost and I dont know what to do for the best, whether to stick or twist.

What I do know is that I am not done.. not yet.