Wednesday, 4 March 2015

This time, it's personal.

I'll just cut to the chase, because let's be honest, who needs small talk?

I've been back and forth in the last year. Mostly forth. Weight creeping on. Up and up. I've piled on a massive chunk of what I lost. How depressing. How annoying.

How disappointing.

So many good intentions simply thrown away. So many good habits tossed aside. It would be so easy to say never again but that's not life. It's not reality and it's not people. It's not me, sadly.

At the point I got stuck I was determined to lose another 2-3 stone but since sticking and maintaining before gaining I have realised that actually where I was was a pretty perfect place to be. I felt good... I was around about a size 14 and had developed a new confidence. Now I've put weight back on it's all a bit messy. I didn't have "old me" photos last time, but now I do. I didn't have clothes I didn't fit into last time, but now I do. Last time it was just a battle against the blubber. This time it's a battle against 2012 me. And it's harder.

I miss my collar bones and those funny ligaments in my knees I didn't know I had before losing over 6st. I don't know how to dress my new shape (and it is new because the weight has gone back in different places) so I feel terrible most of the time. I miss my favourite dresses. I miss understanding my food. I miss control. I miss feeling good. On the plus side my fitness is massively improved and my body is smaller than before, I think I can thank the gym for this.

So anyway I've taken a decision to go back to Slimming World and I'll rejoin next Tuesday. 17 weeks until I go to Tenerife for our summer holiday. Game on.


  1. Helen Lightoller4 March 2015 at 21:56

    You can do it Gemma. I know it'll be hard but you'll get there. Keep going. Thinking of you. Takes some courage to acknowledge it. God Bless. xx

  2. Look at this way; it's like you know the future - you know it will happen, because it already has (ok, yes that technicallywas in the past, but you've acheived it before so you know it can happen) - Now you just need to make sure you do the right things at the right times in order to bring about what _will_ happen ☺