In which your blogger bares her soul

For the first time in 18 months I am genuinely disillusioned. The last 6 months have been hard going, barely losing anything but still sticking to the plan. As the months have gone by I have found it harder and harder to stay motivated. Finally I have cracked.

We had our summer holiday last week, spending time in the glorious sunshine with friends and family. There was much indulgence - wine, cider, pancakes, ice cream and far too much bread. I am paying the price - for the first time really I have gained a few pounds and I can really feel it. I'm not sure how many pounds I have put on because I had a holiday booked in for slimming world this week but it's enough that my jeans (resigned to the drawer during the heatwave we have just had) are noticably tighter.

In a former life I wouldn't have even noticed a few pounds going on but now I feel it almost straight away. Physically I feel bloated, wobbly... and uncomfortable. Mentally I feel disheartened and let down with myself. I feel tired, worn down and barely have the motivation to refuse the bad things just now which isn't helping. Even seeing an old, unflattering picture last week didn't help. (Posted below with a new one of us).

I honestly am considering moving on to something else to lose this final 2-3 stone but I don't know what. I'm scared and lost and I dont know what to do for the best, whether to stick or twist.

What I do know is that I am not done.. not yet.

The King

I think the humble EGG is the actual King of foods. It is so versatile,  nutritious and (my favourite) cheap. As a family we power through eggs on a monthly basis. There's barely a day goes by I am not cracking an egg. Between a bit of baking, hard boiled eggs as free snacks or with salad for me, boiled or mashed with mayo or made into eggy bread for the kids lunch we get through somewhere in excess of 50 eggs a month.

Sounds like a lot doesn't it? And yet it isnt like we live on eggs.

I definitely eat more these days than before my slimming world days, since they are free on all plans. We quite often have a cooked breakfast on a Saturday which waves goodbye to between 3 and 8 eggs depending who wants an egg and if it's going to be fried or scrambled (why do scrambled eggs disappear?) and I always keep hardboiled eggs in the fridge for snacks or to go with a salad and feta cheese or ham. It's not unlike me to have a baked egg for breakfast, maybe cooked in a hash brown or ham basket. Finally the classic carbonara (which i don't actually seem to have ever blogged about!) remains a favourite tea time choice for the whole family. Well I say finally, actually I have missed one major favourite, my brunchtime frittata. I call this brunchtime because I have it just as easily for breakfast as for lunch. It can be amended to whatever you have in (prawns and feta are lovely) but this is what I use most often to serve one as a hearty lunch.

1 sausage, chopped into chunks
1 rasher of bacon, fat removed and chopped
1 spring onion
1 or 2 cooked new potatoes, sliced or diced
3 or 4 cherry tomatoes, halved
2 asparagus spears, chopped
1/2 a pepper, mixed colours if possible, diced
1 spring onion, chopped
Chopped parsley (optional)
2 eggs, beaten

Spray a small frying pan with frylight or oil and add the sausage and bacon. Fry until almost cooked and add the chopped veg. Sauté until almost cooked but still with bite.

Sprinkle over the parsley if using, then pour over the beaten eggs. Tip the pan left and right to make sure the eggs fill all the gaps. Leave on the heat for a minute to allow to base to set, then put under a hot grill until the eggs are set and puffy and gloriously golden.

Season with salt and black pepper and lashings of good ol' fashioned brown sauce (or ketchup/chilli sauce if that's what tickles your fancy).

I do this at least once a week I'd say. This is a great fridge raider too... courgettes work well, as does ham, leftover chicken, chillies, roasted red peppers, white/red onions, cheese - literally whatever you have in. In honesty I prefer lots of filling (which is mostly superfree anyway) to less egg so it's less, well, eggy. You could easily do 3 eggs and less fillings though. Or more. Whatever... at the end of the day, it's your frittata.

Summer summer summertime

The sun is shining! In the west of Scotland where I live this is nothing short of a miracle. It's warm and glorious, and the clear skies brighten everyone's day. Of course, this puts planned cold weather casseroles and the likes out of the window because what everyone wants in this weather is barbecue food.

Generally speaking bbqs are considered less than great in the diet world. All the bread and mayo add up to a lot of excess calories. In the UK we seem to have an obsession with whacking all the grilled meat into its own bread receptacle, roll or wrap. Probably because we get comparatively little good weather, a lot of bbqs are little more than a couple of rubbish sausages, a burger, and maybe a burnt (yet raw) chicken drumstick. These days of course the supermarkets sell ranges of pre-marinaded and skewered bbq products, all perfectly prepared and ready to drop on your grill to ensure you enjoy an exotic tasting high syn feast.

There really is no need for a good bbq to spoil the diet. With a little bit of thought and by using your healthy extras you can do a bbq for very few syns. Chicken cubes can be marinated in garlic, lemon juice, bay and oregano or Cajun spice, soy and lime and seasoned with salt and pepper before threading onto skewers with chunks of peppers,  mushrooms and courgettes for syn free kebabs. Look about to find some low syn sausages so you can still have your snags - my butcher sells a great half syn sausage but supermarkets do them too. Burgers can be homemade for free, and just remove the skins from chicken drumsticks before marinating in spices of your choice or maybe a free bbq sauce. Chuck a lean steak on too. So far you have a pretty good feast, right?

So what about sides? Obviously a large side salad (with or without feta cheese as your A choice) goes without saying. A personal favourite of mine is corn on the cob, thrown straight in the grill and cooked until charred and salted to serve. Another favourite is barbecued halloumi cheese, although obviously this would be synned or an A choice. Coleslaw and potato salads are commonplace bbq sides but high syn usually. I blogged about Coleslaw recently - make your own for acouple of syns for the whole dish: it keeps a few days and is very handy to have in your summer fridge. Similarly potato salad - historically my own version was made with lashings of full fat mayo but I've managed to make a low fat version I am happy with. It's true to my original in taste and here in its simplicity, just for you.

POTATO SALAD

500g baby potatoes - boiled until tender
2 tbsp extra light mayo
4 tbsp fat free yoghurt
Handful of chives, finely chopped
Handful of mint, finely chopped
Salt and pepper

Mix the still slightly warm potatoes with the other ingredients and season generously to taste with salt and pepper (salt is the key here). Serve at room temperature. I am being bossy about this - potayo salad shouldn't be fridge cold.

It really is that easy to produce a lowish syn, healthy bbq without boatloads of bread although obviously if you want a roll or something go ahead and use your healthy extras or syns. Either way, it's perfect sunshine food.

Here's to the sun staying out!

:)

Little old wine drinker me

Most people who know me know I like a tipple or two. A wee wine here, a cold beer there. It's how I like to spend my syns, saving them for the weekend. I've said before I'd rather use my syns for alcohol than food, but with Slimming World that doesn't mean not eating! Being able to cook for myself means delicious low or no syn food.... almost all the time. Fresh is where it's at with Slimming World, and I continue to love that -it fits in so well with the way we have always eaten in this house. Obviously there are some ingredients which are high syn (flour, butter, coconut milk) but these are now treats or substituted where possible.

Clearly though, things have changed otherwise I wouldn't have lost the weight I have (6st 4.5lb so far). Almost cutting out takeaways plus fat and flour have been major contenders but cutting back on the booze has had a major effect too. Back in the old days we would think nothing of having a beer or glass of wine with dinner during the week. Often just the one,  sometimes maybe two, but the fact remains that it was 8-16 syns I am no longer consuming a few days a week.. and they all add up.

When we started this chapter I found it pretty easy to sit in in a Friday night having a diet coke because I had a night out on Saturday. I can't lie - as the months progress that's harder. Rightly or wrongly, sitting of an evening with an alcoholic drink is a nice grown up thing to do after a week of part time work and full time motherhood.

This weekend is a prime example. Knowing I had a night out on Saturday, I SHOULD have sat with that diet coke on Friday night - but I didn't. Instead me and Richy sank a very lovely bottle of pink fizz we received as an anniversary gift. Just the one... but still. I need to source that will power again. I'm sure it's here somewhere...

Happy happy happy

Friday was my birthday. Off plan entirely, I enjoyed a lovely day shopping, eating and drinking with my lovely friend, Lynne. Last week I had the 3lb gain I expected and my hopes for this week are that I can maintain. After all, what with my birthday Friday and a long overdue catch up with old friends involving lots of wine, homemade bread and a trip to our local award winning ice cream parlour, Equis, I've definitely gone over on syns. Still, April is a hard month for me and we are halfway through now.

It is always handy to have a reference point to compare things against though and my birthday weekend is an ideal point of comparison.

This weekend last year I was at my friend's little boy's Christening. I had lost 2st I think. I felt great. My clothes was starting to loosen and the dress I wore on that day was looser than the wedding I wore it to the previous summer. Richy had bought me a top for my birthday which was a touch small but within a fortnight fitted perfectly. It was a size 22, as was the dress.

This year Richy bought me another top. It's  a size 14. And it fits. I went shopping in New Look. I took various size 14 things into the changing room. They all fitted. I picked one top up in another shop in a size 14 and just paid for it, there and then. I didn't even try it on. What's that about?

Another birthday present was a cast iron shallow casserole from mum and dad that I've been coveting for a while. I used it last night to make a tremendous paella (which was happily low in syns to account for antipasti style starter of bread, olives, cheese and Spanish meats... and wine). I've attached a picture of the paella - I was so pleased with how it looked.

The other picture is me at the christening last year and this weekend on the train heading into town with Lynne. Although I recognised the significant drop in dress sizes, when I compared these photos knowing that it was exactly a year I was genuinely shocked.

Made me smile, though. A lot.

April again?

Sad news... I'm looking at a gain tonight. I was away last week and although what I ate wasn't *too* bad, I had too many pints in my mum and dad's local and thats all extra calories. The trip away was on top of a fun filled overnight trip to Edinburgh, complete with cooked breakfast, dinner out and lots of wine and cider, a Krispy Kreme donut and an ice cream as hangover food so really I am on a highway to nothing. Thankfully I've had a week (almost) back on plan to reduce the damage but with it being the Easter holidays it's hard - a day trip out with our besties and their two girls ended with a few drinks and a pub dinner on top of our picnic. None of this has helped with the weight gain this week but the top and bottom of it is that I've enjoyed every minute and every mouthful.

Despite the gain I am still in the righr frame of mind... no mean feat all things considered. At the peak of this gain (approx 7lb) I could really feel the difference. I've never noticed that before and that shows me that during this (incredibly frustrating) period of little or no losses that my body has been changing. Some of it is mental changes but maybe I have needed this time for my mind to catch up with my body. For the first time in my life I am beginning to feel really really good. I continue to have the confidence to try new things with my hair, makeup and clothes.

The weight will start moving soon I'm sure of it, although the next few weeks might be hard. Anyone who was reading my little blog this time last year might remember a series of posts about how hard April is for me. My birthday is coming up, and my 10th wedding anniversary trip to Oban in a fortnight. I can only hope to get through the month as unscathed as possible.

Wish me luck.

Checking in

*tap tap tap*

Ahem. Hello? Anyone here?

It's been a funny old few weeks. Still wallowing, still gymming, still not losing much to speak of but most importantly still sticking to plan. Mostly.

In the last few weeks I've lost 2.5lb. I am now only half a pound from my 6.5st award which is still proving hard to achieve. Unfortunately I have a week holiday from Slimming World this week so I won't be getting that award this week but hopefully the damage I do this week won't be so bad that I can't squeeze a wee half pound off by a week on Wednesday.

That said, this weekend is Easter weekend and although it isn't chocolate a-go-go in my world, I had a very hefty night out on Friday (drinks, dinner, more drinks, chips, full English) followed by a visit to my mum and dad's (cake,  wine, gravy, puddings). We are off work this week which makes things worse, but we have a quiet weekend ahead and hopefully we can eat well and be back on plan on Wednesday and right back on it when we get home on Wednesday night.

I think the main reason I haven't posted for a few weeks is because I don't have anything new to say. There are only so many times you can say the same thing, after all. Changing shape, toning, losing inches. Blah blah blah...! It's all true but I just want to see that number going down. 2lb will get my into the next stone down and I can't wait for that.

Anyway, here's a progress picture from this weekend. Excuse the cheesey grin, folks.

Ttfn.